The beaches of Hawaii are cathartic. This has been such an amazing trip and it’s only been 2 and a half days. I wrote the true meat of my last post on the flight out and it granted me some amazing insights even on the way here. I see why locals find this place to be spiritual.
The whole purpose of this trip was to get away and figure out what I need to do with all that’s been going. I needed an escape from the negativity, the negative people and drama that is in my life. Untangling myself has proven difficult as I have a difficult time ending relationships with people I care for. My heart continues to want them in my life while my mind tells me they are not good for my well being.
I always want to give these people as many chances as possible but I’m learning that they do not change. I need to learn boundaries or to let these people go freely. Yet, when I do, it triggers one of my shame points. Normally, it’s about not being a good person; other times, it’s not feeling good enough.
It’s hard separating yourself from people you care about. Turning your heart off or walking away feels like drowning to me. I continually grasp at straws as to why I shouldn’t give up or close the door on them as if I’m gasping for air. But when you constantly give of yourself while receiving little in return. So how do you do it? How do you walk away?
So far my time here has helped me realize that you tell them exactly what you think/feel and then, if nothing changes, you let them walk away from you. Now this process will hurt like a bitch. That I’m sure of, but if someone wants to stay, they will. If they don’t, nothing you do can force them to.