I never thought I would be who I am today. I had spent a large portion of my life being proud that I was emotionally tough. I could handle anything. I rarely cried, and when I did, I was blessed with being able to not ugly cry. I had this uncanny ability of pushing everything down. I could wall myself off like a pro. After my father died, that all changed. I don’t really know, perhaps it was a need to face the conflicting emotions I was having; or it could have been the fact that I was going through other major life changes. Regardless, I began changing and growing.
Since then, I’ve begun speaking about my thoughts, feelings, etc. to friends, family and those that have an impact on them and me. People who have negative reactions don’t stay long, even when I’m informing them of positive emotions. I prefer not to surround myself with people who make me feel less than for expressing myself as I’ve come to realize being in tune with my emotions is a true strength. Why you may ask, especially when there are those who can’t handle their own emotions or who they are?
- I always know what I need. The more in tune with I need, the more relaxed I am. What I need and what I want don’t always coincide. If I’m trying to go against my needs, which I almost always do at first (hey…I’m only human), the more anxious and worked up I get.
- I do what makes me content. I use the word content for a reason here. I’m not just looking for “happiness,” but peace as well. I know the things that make my mind ease and my soul relax.
- I appreciate and love on those who let me be me. I have many acquaintances and am very open about who I am, so people have a tendency to think I’m too trusting or that I don’t know who my real friends are. It’s quite the opposite. I know who are my true friends and who will really be there for me when needed. I just feel being me and being open is more important than showing different faces to people.
- I am accepting of myself as I am. I know I am a work in progress, but I can appreciate who I am, my honesty, my loyalty and my love. I know I have my faults. There are things that others do not like about me, but that is not about me, just them.
- I am accepting of others. I understand that not everyone is on the same journey I am or at the same place. Not everyone is meant to be in my life. I know this and even when I wish it was another way, I do not wish them ill will. If anything I end up a little heartbroken as a piece of my heart goes with those I care for.
- I care about more than just myself. Selfishness and narcissism is a disease. I pride myself in being someone who cares about people in general, animals, the community. I have many outlets and I’m committed to those that I care for.
- I don’t suppress my feelings. I have a hard time pushing my feelings down any longer. I can’t hide them away or pretend I don’t care. I’m not sure how people do this, how they can walk around with pent up anger, hurt, happiness. Yes even happiness. I don’t care if expressing these things makes me “uncool.” Keeping emotions bottled up makes me uncomfortable and causes me to experience negative effects…sleeplessness, anxiety, etc. At worst, it just makes others uncomfortable with my honesty and could be impolite, but then those people aren’t for me.
- I can’t hide who I am. I’m completely honest about who and where I am in life. I’ve been told this is brave, but it’s just me. I wish I could explain it, but it is uncomfortable for me to hide myself, feelings, passions. I am who I am.