Who are you? What do you want to do with your life? What are you looking to gain from this experience? These are some of the most commonly asked questions you hear throughout out your life. It begins in kindergarten with the simple question of “what do you want to be when you grow up,” and we hear it in almost every stage of life there after. It’s ingrained in us to define ourselves as early as possible, and we end up running through life trying to meet self and societal imposed expectations. At some point, we realize we aren’t doing what truly want or we aren’t where we expected to be.
Normally it’s referred to as mid-life or quarter life crises, depending on when you go through them. We begin questioning again, putting constraints on ourselves; the labeling and putting ourselves in boxes. Who am I? What do I really want to do? What do I want to be? But once you realize you aren’t on the path that you want or who you thought you would be, it’s inevitably met with fear. As human beings we long for control in this seemingly crazy world. We want to feel like we have power over our own lives and do so by defining. We define ourselves, our successes and our failures. It’s not our fault. We’re told to make these choices from the time we’re small. It’s only natural that we want to live up to the constructs we’ve built for ourselves. When these constructs fall, it leaves us dizzy and reeling from our loss of control and understanding. But why must we do this? Why do we need to label ourselves, force ourselves in to these boxes? It wasn’t until recently that I realized we don’t.
There is nothing wrong with not knowing what you want to do or where you want to go in life. There are millions of people in this world who still don’t know what they want to be when they “grow up.” None of these people are under the age of the twelve. They go through each day exploring and learning, and that is the key. So many of us stop after we’ve lost sight of what we want or who we want to be. When something doesn’t work out, or we realize that something doesn’t make us happy, we just stand still until we are forced to move. We force ourselves into unhappiness and complacency. We focus on the failure and the shortcomings that brought us to this new point. The people who truly seem to grow through these periods don’t stay stagnant. They may allow themselves some time to wallow in self-doubt and self-pity, but sooner rather than later ,they move. They may not move on right away, but they move. They try something new and keep going. They don’t allow themselves to sit in shame or self-loathing. It’s that old saying of getting back on the horse. After all, a man who dwells in self-doubt or pity can not experience joy. He’s simply not open to it.
Once we strip ourselves of these expectations, we can fully accept that time is not linear. To quote a notable doctor, it’s a big ball of wibbly wobbly timey whimey. You don’t always hit milestones in a straight line.
We need to put aside our expectations and look at how life really works. We need to stop assigning ourselves qualifiers and putting ourselves into little boxes. Whether you walk a straight line or end up making hundreds of twist and turns, you are no less valuable for it. If you don’t know what you want to do, where you want to go or who you want to be, just get out there. Learn what you don’t want. Learn who you aren’t. Learn where you don’t want to go and don’t give yourself a hard time for that. Just go. Move. Live.
Excellent point. Most of the time you don’t know what’s coming or where you are heading. And part of the fun is in not knowing all the details and figuring things out as they happen.
LikeLiked by 1 person
It’s good to look ahead to the future and have a plan in mind!
XOXO,
LA
http://www.small-townla.com
LikeLiked by 1 person
Reblogged this on Keeping the Peace Mom.
LikeLike
in 5 years i believe i should, would/will be in a better place than i am currently… i dont like to measure and say but with long life and good health i should be bigger, bolder and better than i am now..
great post… greetings from leXHansplaCE
LikeLike
Thanks for the thoughtful post. I am in a much different space currently than I have been for most of my life. I am learning to embrace myself more fully and not give too much time dwelling on what I should have done or become. It feels good and takes away self-imposed pressure as well as guilt.
LikeLike
It doesn’t matter where you’ll be in 5 years. It matters most how you live every second. It is necessary to have a rough idea, but it is exactly that. Clinging to an absolute outcome of a life creates pain and disappointment when it doesn’t work out.
The only constant is change 🙂
LikeLike
Great post. Good points. I like to take things as they come. Thanks for sharing 🙂
http://www.hugshomemade.com
LikeLike
I tell people this all the time! Work on each day as best as you can. This was an excellent read!
LikeLike
Though I do believe in looking ahead and making plans, there is no way in knowing what could happen even in the next five minutes! What’s important for me to remember is that even if I don’t have a solid plan for the next couple of months or years, I shouldn’t get discouraged that I don’t…I tend to get stuck in that rut of feelings sorry for myself for not knowing what I want at times haha.
LikeLike
I love your success diagram Sooooo much as it is so true! Success is never a straight line, in fact, I don’t know anything that is a straight line but a straight line, LOL. great article! xoxo, Robin
LikeLike
Great post. My only measure of happiness and where I should be through my life has always been, Am I happy and do I like who I am as a person?
LikeLike
As someone who has many years behind me, what is important is to make a plan. A plan that moves you forward. It doesn’t matter if the plan gets remade, the whole time you were in that space before, you were moving forward! I changed careers twice, but while that was happening, I earned two degrees in unrelated fields that have helped me advance in my current endeavor.
LikeLike
Love that crazy arrow showing how life really goes to find success. Its always a process and its a day by day thing! You never know where you will end up!
Karen | GlamKaren.com
LikeLike
Lol it is always annoying when someone asks you where you will be in five years. Whatever happened to living in the now. I like what you said about putting aside our expectations.
LikeLike
I think of this often. It is good to have goals and a plan but what if your goal isn’t the right one? I think it may be Woody Allen who said, “If you want to make God laugh, tell him your plans.”.
LikeLike
I love that analogy that we don’t hit milestones in a straight line. Live is a course in left, right, forward and backward turns.
LikeLike
Man its definitely that second photo where the arrow is scrambled around! I really dont know but I hope my next 5 year journey is fun and prosperous!
LikeLike
I couldn’t agree more. Life is not linear. It has its peaks and valleys. I know there have been times in my life when I felt I was as low as I could go, but then there were other times when I felt that I had achieved everything that I wanted to achieve. It’s all part of living. What else can I say?
LikeLike
In 5 years my son will be 15. I just hope to not being pulling my hair out with teenager antics.
LikeLike
This is so inspiring! Thank you, really!
Yes, our line to success may be straight or somewhat else, but it is really only up to us to evaluate it!
LikeLike
I can say what I want to be doing or where I want to be in a certain time frame.. but who really knows how it will turn out. My life is def different than I planned it out to be. But I have two beautiful toddler girls that have my heart so I love it anyway!
LikeLike
I never know where I am going to be, every time I try to guess it is vastly different than what I thought it was going to be!
LikeLike
It is always fun to hear other people’s answers to the 5 years question. My life wasn’t what I thought it would be five years ago.
LikeLike
My life is definitely like the squiggly line! It’s what makes life fun 🙂 Without the twists and bends I wouldnt be where I am today!
LikeLike
Success and accomplishments are never a straight line. That’s part of becoming who we’re meant to be and in the place we’re destined.
LikeLike
I just really need to focus on the ‘now’ instead of thinking 5 years ahead of time. There really is no way to come to a conclusion…my life is very up in the air.
LikeLike
A wise person once told me that no matter how much you plan things out in life, life has a funny way of happening on its own terms. That is why I have been learning not to sweat the small stuff or to take everything so seriously.
LikeLike
I try not to think that far ahead anyway… Life just does not go as planned!! We never end up where we expect.
LikeLike
I totally agree. I’ve gotten hung up on this question more than once. Success is definitely not a straight line of ABC.
LikeLike
That questioned is always asked, we asked ourselves that question all the time. Success is can be defined in many ways.
LikeLike
I used to have a plan for my future. Then, I was thrown major curveballs. It’s taken a while but I’ve finally learned to accept that there’s only so much planning that you can do.
LikeLike
Sometimes we have to re-write our goals based on maturity and other things but it does not hurt to plan
LikeLike
I flip flop between 5 year plan and just setting one year goals. Honestly now I’m getting older I’m seeing more value in just planning for 6 months ahead. Now if I have an event (vacation etc) then I’m all about planning for that event!
LikeLike
I think with 5 year plans you need to have fluidity. I definitely wouldn’t have said I would be where I am now 5 years ago 🙂 I think that changing your goals and dreams as you grow works well.
LikeLike