Adulting · Aging · anxiety · Authenticity · Blogging · depression · Family Matters · food · Growing Pains · Letting go · Life · Meandering Thoughts · mental health · mindfulness · sarcasm · Self Discovery · Uncategorized · weight loss

Today I Ate a Cheeseburger and Other Anxiety Musings

woman-looking-in-mirrorToday I ate a cheeseburger, and I can’t stop staring in the mirror.  I  know it’s not possible to physically see a weight gain right after eating something bad, but once I finish the meal, I start picking a part my body.  My face is so full (fyi…it’s always been); my arms are too big; my hips are so wide.  It’s like I’m going through a plastic surgery consultation in my head. The only thing I’m missing is a sharpie.

You wouldn’t think a cheeseburger could cause such havoc. After all, it’s just a cheeseburger. Yet it’s so much more than that. When I’m having a rough day, an intense anxiety surge, or going through a loss, I turn to food.  Rather than staying in the moment and feeling those emotions, I eat.

There’s something about filling up my stomach that I associate with happiness and comfort. It just feels good. It’s eating something you know you shouldn’t; something bad for you; a small act of rebellion against your current emotions.  Fuck you sadness; this makes me smile! I’m an adult and do what I want!

Fast forward to an hour later, and it’s a different story….

Why did I eat that?

I feel so bloated….UGH….

You fatso….

What was I thinking?!

Yet I do it….EVERY TIME. You would think I would know how this ends by now. Always with me in the mirror, feeling like there is something wrong with me.  Food is my alcohol, my heroin, name an addicting drug…and that’s what food is to me. The cycle is absolutely maddening.

tequilaI really don’t know why I chose food as my comfort, where others choose alcohol, cigarettes, and shopping…just to name a few.  I’m not really sure what it is. Perhaps because there’s so many different kinds. After all….after one kind of a tequila…is there really a difference to another?  Does German tequila taste differently than Mexican tequila?  Is there even a German tequila? Someone please let me know.  I can tell you though that once I have German food; I know I’ll want to try Mexican. It’s all just so delicious and unique. Schnitzel for lunch….burrito for dinner please.

I come from a large and loud Italian household, and EVERYTHING is centered around food.  Holidays, celebrations or routine family events, the most important aspect is the food.

[Quick note….Never show up to an Italian’s home full.  The first thing anyone tries to do is feed you. I think there’s something in the DNA of Italian women that automatically makes us cook for 20 people even if we only have 6 people coming over.  Then we complain that there is so much extra and require you to take left overs home.]

Every feel good moment of your child hood is centered around food. If you are sad, you’re blood sugar was low.  I still don’t know how that one works…but in our house if you were sad, you had a butter cookie.  If my grandfather saw me cry, I got a cookie. If I was angry…give the kid a cookie. Perhaps I never actually chose what my vice was but it was thrust upon me…like greatness.

This would look great over a desk.

I’m constantly working on trying to get over this drug of choice, and it’s not an easy process.  There are times when I can’t think of healthy modes of comfort. Staying in the emotion and finding a way to push it aside is still far out of my grasp. I’m not always in an environment when I can find another way to cope with my emotions such as at work.  I can’t just take time out of my day to try and meditate or color in my office.  Part of me would love to see my partners’ faces if they come upon me in my office with a coloring book though so maybe I need to try that.  It can’t be an adult coloring book, may be Lisa Frank or Barbie.  I feel like that would be appropriate. Plus, then I could hang it on one of their walls, and who wouldn’t love that. Haha.


This is professional right?


Do you have a healthy way of dealing with stress or negative emotions?  How do you cope when they pop up in awkward locations?  You eat a cheeseburger…preferably with bacon.









39 thoughts on “Today I Ate a Cheeseburger and Other Anxiety Musings

  1. When I’m stressed out I either bake, read a book or have glass of wine. I don’t feel bad about it after though – I just see it as something to help calm me. I won’t pretend I have words of wisdom for you but I have do have friends who swear by colouring! Hope it helps you. Sending good vibes your way!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I don’t eat hamburgers or cheeseburgers. Very little red meat. However I understand exactly what you mean and the saying “comfort food” exists for a reason. Since 2012, I’ve been doing yoga and that has worked wonders for me in more ways than one. I’m 75% Italian.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. first off, know that you are not alone! Don’t doubt yourself, you can break this thinking… I went to school for fitness and nutrition and a cheeseburger won’t add a few lbs. When you do feel like you’ve eaten too much, instead of thinking so negatively while looking in the mirror, do a short workout, that way you’re switching from a negative to a positive (which will help your overall health, hence lose weight!) Mentality is SO important! You’ve got this! (if you’re injured or sore, try a water work out or beginning yoga!) best of luck and send me a message anytime you need someone to hear you, advice, or whatever else!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I normally take a break for a couple of minutes and just sit quietly to calm my nerves down. Stress is a tough enemy and it’s not always easy to take it down. I would also drown myself in thoughts of everything positive.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. I do think many of us do this to ourselves, certainly many of the woman I work with do and I do. What works for me is that over the years, I have trained myself to have half, or a bit rather than a whole whatever. That way I comfort and satisfy my need for comfort without feeling bad and beating myself up. Anxiety is both tricky and painful, big hug to you.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Wow, what a raw and real post. I wish I could say I can’t relate.. But I do. The constant nagging anxiety and feelings of inadequacy. Thanks so much for sharing your story, you are so not alone.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Working out is an awesome stress reliever for me. I work at the hospital and I’ve had days when I come home crying and want to quit. I take a run or go to the gym…sometimes when there’s a yoga class available I go to it and I immediately feel better after.

    Stress eating is definitely something you can overcome with the right help.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. One cheeseburger won’t kill you. You just have to see it like a pleasure you have to allow yourself from time to time. Never feel guilty or you’ll see your food as something bad, which is really not! Enjoy your food and enjoy your body.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. I totally understand your feelings and anxieties. As a bigger girl, it’s been a struggle, but you have to remind yourself that your beauty lies in your “imperfections”. My blog is all about beauty beyond the characteristics that we see as problematic! You are more than welcome to check it out!! And remember…. Eat your burger with extra bacon and out a smile on that face!

    Liked by 1 person

  10. I feel a lot of stress before my examination results come out. im sure everyone must have felt a little unless they were very sure they would come out with flying colours. I usually take a break from all things mechanical- mobile, laptop, computer, music system and go and talk to my mother. thats the ultimate anxiety buster in my life.

    Liked by 1 person

  11. Love your post and I can so relate. My outlet is the gym (which is good, because it allows me to eat whatever I want). I have bad days too where I reach for food for stress relieve etc. Don’t beat yourself up too much. One cheeseburger is not going to do much damage. All in moderation.

    Liked by 1 person

  12. My weakness is food too! I just can’t help it. I overstuff myself everytime at dinner, haha. But as far as dealing with stress, I usually start cleaning the house like a madwoman and eventually I start to calm down.

    Liked by 1 person

  13. unfortunaltely, when I’m stressed or emotionally upset I don’t eat at all. the same idea of eating makes me sick. and that’s too bad because i get more skinny and look so yellow and unhealthy… and I’, 35 so I start looking even older in this cases. I’m trying to work hard on it and to have a regular eating habits also when it comes to distress

    Liked by 1 person

  14. Filling our day with positive activities like doing sport or following class like painting, perhaps could help to ease the stress. Italian fond of food is exactly same like Indonesians. We will never go home hungry when we visit family or friends house. Everything centre around and about food, and we Indonesian even talk about food when we eat LOL!


  15. yes it’s easy to resort to food when one is emotionally down. It’s a viscous circle too. Keep yourself away from people who neg you out and rather surround yourself with people who have good control over their healthy habits. ofcourse it’s easier said than done, but it works.

    Liked by 1 person

  16. honey, be careful, this can turn into a full blown eating disorder! You should get some therapy NOW before you go too far down that path. My daughter had an eating disorder, and still has issues with food, but not to your extend, so you scare me. Please get help!

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s