addiction · Adulting · anxiety · depression · food · Growing Pains · Health · Over eating · positivity · Self Discovery · Self Worth · Uncategorized · weight loss

Starting Over – Another Journey

ddd3b3291831f2b34cc887d6b7d43c8aSometimes all a woman needs is a long weekend away.  After being responsible for the issuing of 150 reports within a month, I took an extra day off of work this weekend.  Ironically, I’m not exhausted.  Ha!  Isn’t that always the way?  You take vacation and end up exhausted from vacation.  I didn’t actually go anywhere but just spent my time hanging out with friends and the bun.  Yet…I feel like I didn’t rest at all.  I swear there is such a thing as resting too much.  It’s when you rest so much you no longer feel like you rested but you need another day to rest. I know you’ve been there. Haha.

After taking the time to recharge, I’ve come to the conclusion that it’s time to start fresh.  I haven’t been very disciplined with myself over the last few months.  With working 10 hour days, I began indulging myself with whatever it is I want.  I’ve been eating out several times a week. My bank account and my waist band are not happy with me one bit.

97fc3407b00ee0cc70770be26bbf5314Years ago, I lost 80 lbs.  It took a lot of time and patience. I’m sad to say that I gained some of that back.  The main problem is currently I’m letting my desire to comfort and soothe dictate what it is I do.  I’m no longer walking every weekend; I’m indulging my cravings in order to self soothe. I’ve lost that self-control that I used to have. I’m honestly not sure how to restarted.

When I started the journey years ago, it took a panic attack to start the process. I was having panic attacks regularly and hadn’t begun medication or therapy yet. It was the most intense attack I’ve experienced to date, and like many, I mistook it for a heart attack.  panicattack_2I drove myself to the hospital (because you know…why would I call an ambulance for a heart attack while I was on the highway) and spent the majority of my day there.  They ran blood work, did a number of tests, and I was perfectly healthy.  The nurse practitioner on staff explained the panic attack to me, and I went off to work. I decided to spend the next few nights with family to help me calm down and feel more at ease and went to my sister’s house when ended the work day.  I woke up in the middle of the night that night, in another panic attack. My chest hurt and felt like it was in a vice.  My entire upper body felt tingly, and I threw up.  Less than 24 hours after my first hospital visit, I was in another emergency room. They refused to run the tests again as there wouldn’t have been a change in my body chemistry so quickly.  The ER doc gave me a muscle relaxer, a specific diet to eat until my body calmed, and a note to visit my regular doctor.

That was when I decided I needed to change.  I didn’t want to be the crazy person in the ER for no reason every few months. I’m not sure how to stimulate that self-control again.  I don’t want to be thrown into a full on panic attack just to gain that purpose and drive.  I’m not sure how to inspire it within myself again. I see images on pinterest and quotes on Facebook; yet noting resonates with me.

Do you have a trick to staying focused and increasing self control?  Have you lost weight before and gained it back?  I’d love some tips.

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34 thoughts on “Starting Over – Another Journey

  1. Thank you for your honest thoughts!! I also get into the self-soothe trap. I’ll be happier after I eat dessert or after I lay the couch and rest. But really those things don’t satisfy me and I end up frustrated with myself. It’s a journey!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I’d recommend meditation and mindfulness. I think a lot of people suffer from anxiety, panic attacks, etc. who could benefit from strengthening their spiritual practices. Meditation and mindfulness really help calm your nerves and they are a daily practice which keeps your progress sustained. If you want to pursue this, you can reach out to me, because this is something I love to help people with. I can point you to several resources. good luck and take care!


  3. I think I have been on a diet since I was born! Yes, I have been on diets and lost weight–then gained it back again. The way they finally figured out that I had Diabetes 2 was that I lost 60 pounds in about a month! I’ve managed to keep 1/2 of that from coming back–I watch it now-pretty carefully between sugar and carbs. I did have a panic attack once–it is frightening! I have found that stress or over doing work makes me eat more—

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  4. Thanks for sharing your story. Making a lifestyle change can be difficult. Sometimes it takes a break (or a refresh) to stick with it and that’s okay. I wish you all the best!

    As for my tips to staying focused: I reward myself for excelling. I also stay busy because I work better under pressure. Weirdly enough, eating healthy and exercising keep me focused and gets me in the mind to do the things I have planned for the day.

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  5. I am in need of doing something myself right about now. I have never had a panic attack but I do know that I have felt poorly because of my diet and exercise habits in times of my life. I need to find that place again when I felt healthy and figure out how to get there.

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  6. wow, thank you for sharing. a brutally honest reminder that life isnt always cupcakes and rainbows.
    As for fitness and walking, maybe find a friend to go with? I am one of those people that put ftiness in my schedule, on my calendar the way you would schedule a meeting or something. I know that helps me.

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  7. I know exactly how it is to have your weight fluctuate, but I’ve been able to successfully drop the pounds whenever I get ready. The key for me is forcing myself to be active, which then triggers a desire for me to want to eat healthier, followed by then eliminating all the “comfort” foods and replacing them with healthier alternatives.

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  8. I know what you mean! I used to pat myself on the back for not having to take days off, but i realized that has a negative impact in the long run. Its also funny to think that in Europe, it is completely normal to have months of vacation time!


  9. I know that feeling! A friend og mine once said that she respects herself and makes a dinner every day even though she’s living alone and cooks only for herself. I think it’s a wonderful thing and I try to keep it in my mind as well. Because we are worth it! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Wow! Thank you for being so honest and transparent! I feel like this too at times and actually yesterday I had a hard conversation with myself to get it together and get back in control of life in general but the workouts and eating ranking really high on the list!

    Liked by 1 person

  11. This resonates with me – at the moment I’m stuck in a rut, and I’m having similar feelings and thoughts to those you described. I always find that long walks and writing things down help me to clear my mind and focus. Helps me to create an action plan, even if it is a short one! Haha – totally agree about needing to rest after resting all weekend!

    Liked by 1 person

  12. What a brave post .. you’re awesome. I’m certain other people will read your words and identify. I haven’t suffered from panic attacks .. and they sound awful. I’m so sorry. We’ve all been there though in the moments where we say “I’ve had enough” and decide to make a change. Bravo to you for losing 80 pounds! The great news is you figured out what works for your body .. and now it’s just a matter of forcing yourself back into those same routines.

    Liked by 1 person

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