Starting Over – Another Journey

Sometimes all a woman needs is a long weekend away.  After being responsible for the issuing of 150 reports within a month, I took an extra day off of work this weekend.  Ironically, I’m not exhausted.  Ha!  Isn’t that always the way?  You take vacation and end up exhausted from vacation.  I didn’t actually go anywhere but just spent my time hanging out with friends and the bun.  Yet…I feel like I didn’t rest at all.  I swear there is such a thing as resting too much.  It’s when you rest so much you no longer feel like you rested but you need another day to rest. I know you’ve been there. Haha.

After taking the time to recharge, I’ve come to the conclusion that it’s time to start fresh.  I haven’t been very disciplined with myself over the last few months.  With working 10 hour days, I began indulging myself with whatever it is I want.  I’ve been eating out several times a week. My bank account and my waist band are not happy with me one bit.

Years ago, I lost 80 lbs.  It took a lot of time and patience. I’m sad to say that I gained some of that back.  The main problem is currently I’m letting my desire to comfort and soothe dictate what it is I do.  I’m no longer walking every weekend; I’m indulging my cravings in order to self soothe. I’ve lost that self-control that I used to have. I’m honestly not sure how to restarted.

When I started the journey years ago, it took a panic attack to start the process. I was having panic attacks regularly and hadn’t begun medication or therapy yet. It was the most intense attack I’ve experienced to date, and like many, I mistook it for a heart attack.  I drove myself to the hospital (because you know…why would I call an ambulance for a heart attack while I was on the highway) and spent the majority of my day there.  They ran blood work, did a number of tests, and I was perfectly healthy.  The nurse practitioner on staff explained the panic attack to me, and I went off to work. I decided to spend the next few nights with family to help me calm down and feel more at ease and went to my sister’s house when ended the work day.  I woke up in the middle of the night that night, in another panic attack. My chest hurt and felt like it was in a vice.  My entire upper body felt tingly, and I threw up.  Less than 24 hours after my first hospital visit, I was in another emergency room. They refused to run the tests again as there wouldn’t have been a change in my body chemistry so quickly.  The ER doc gave me a muscle relaxer, a specific diet to eat until my body calmed, and a note to visit my regular doctor.

That was when I decided I needed to change.  I didn’t want to be the crazy person in the ER for no reason every few months. I’m not sure how to stimulate that self-control again.  I don’t want to be thrown into a full on panic attack just to gain that purpose and drive.  I’m not sure how to inspire it within myself again. I see images on pinterest and quotes on Facebook; yet noting resonates with me.

Do you have a trick to staying focused and increasing self control?  Have you lost weight before and gained it back?  I’d love some tips.

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