We’ve all seen her in movies…the girl who could care less. She’s down for any and everything. She can eat junk food, drinks beer and has a smoking hot body. She has zero emotions other than happiness and is completely laid-back when it comes to love. She could care less what her boyfriends do and NEVER gets upset about his actions. He never hurts her feelings because she’s just so damn cool. She goes along with everyone.
I’ve never actually met one of these women; I’m convinced they are some sort of mythical unicorn. She doesn’t actually exist, but the men in the world seem to believe in her. I have met quite a few women who try their hardest to be the cool girl. They bottle up everything when the guy they desire is near. They make sure he thinks they don’t care about what he says or does, but when with friends, all they do is stare at their phone. They go on about hurt feelings, but they don’t say a word to him. They let the object of their affection do as they please and pretend they have no emotion about it. After all, appearing cool is much more important than having thoughts, emotions and boundaries.
I am not a cool girl. I have feelings; I care. I will let you know when I’m hurt or if I don’t like something. I’m human, and I will overreact at times too. I don’t know how to turn off my feelings or play “the game.” I’m upfront about who I am, what I love and what I don’t. I can be messy and complicated, just like every other human being. When did emotions become something to be written off and used as if to say you are less than? Why does having emotions make you defective?
I’ve tried playing that part, and it didn’t go well. I tried being the girl who doesn’t care; going through life pushing down feelings doesn’t work for me. I ended so knotted up and unsure of myself that I could barely function. I couldn’t juggle the cool girl image and my anxiety any longer. I couldn’t be the girl who had it all together and walk on eggshells. It just wasn’t in my DNA.
Inevitably, whenever I would try to be the cool girl, it would come crashing down in some sort of anxiety, panic attack explosion. It would be a beautiful disaster of crumbling walls, intense emotions, and pent up frustration. My friends would spend hours helping me pick up pieces and reassemble myself. They’ve helped get me through some of the hardest times of my life. Wouldn’t life be so much easier if you allowed yourself to just feel things and stopped pretending to be so chill?
I’m not sure when this became something to aspire to, or even when it blinked into existence. Has anyone ever met a “cool girl?” A woman or girl who was exactly that in all manners of her life, not just that way to the man she likes but with her girlfriends as well? I know I haven’t. If anything, all the women I know and have met in passing discuss how much of a mess they feel they are. Who is this woman and where did she come from? Does anyone actually know? Or is this something that is fed to us that we just accept? I legitimately am dying to know.